Let’s start the new year with A-B-C!

A Belated Christmas post 😀

Some days ago, I found a christmas post at livejournal.com about Kuroshitsuji. It was quite interesting and funny, it was a christmas song with text about the series xD
Note: If you don’t watch Kuroshitsuji, I doubt you’ll have any fun with this…

I found this wonderful parody at this blog:

Title: “12 Eps of Kuro”
To the Tune: “12 Days of Christmas”
Requested By: No one. I just had to do it. XD;
Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Grell, Undertaker, Will, Lau, Lizzie, Tanaka, the servantrio…
Rating: Hard PG-13
Notes: Full of gay. All kinds of gay. SO MUCH GAY~ (Also, follows the anime, with spoilers until the end of season one.)
Lame MP3: N/A. (C’mon. You don’t really need one for this song, do you? ^_^;)
Summary: Honestly, this is really just insanity. So enjoy it. X3
Disclaimer: I own neither “Kuro” nor the monstrosity known as “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

Author’s Note: C’mon. You guys knew I’d have to tackle this song. It’s a quintessential spoof! But because everyone knows the tune—as well as how the song works—I’ll spare you (and myself) the agony of typing out the whole thing. (Or providing a tutorial MP3. Unless someone really wants one, which I doubt.) Instead, this will just be the “last verse,” where all twelve days are listed. Have fun singing the full version, though, those of you who choose to attempt such a feat… ^_~

Warnings: For fun—and because this is the last KuroXmas song of the season— I added a scripted parody between the lines. This parody is full of gay. Just so you know. And in the spirit of the season, I tried to make it enjoyable for as many fans as possible: it contains (in order of content) SebaxCiel, SebaxGrell, GrellxUndertaker, GrellxWill (sorta), and orgy-implications. XD


Here’s the song, in case you wanted to sing this with background music:

And here’s the “lyrics”

In the twelfth ep of “Kuro” Sebastian gave to me…

Twelve lame catch-phrases—

(Sebastian: …
Ciel: They are kinda lame.
Sebastian: Over used, perhaps. Not lame. And I don’t have twelve of them.
Ciel: Well, let’s see. There’s “yes, my lord…”
Sebastian: There is.
Ciel: …there’s “one hell of a butler” and “demon and a butler…”
Sebastian: That makes three.
Ciel: …and there’s about a billion renditions of “as a servant of Phantomhive, it’s only natural that I should be able to” blahblahblah.
Sebastian: Correct.
Ciel: So you’re right. You don’t have twelve catch-phrases. You have way more than that.
Sebastian: Exactly! Because, as a servant of Phantomhive, it’s only natural that I should have a phrase prepared for every occasion.
Ciel: … *facepalm*)

Eleven awkward touches—

(Grell: If Sebastian is giving out awkward touches, where are mine? *flutters eyelashes*
Sebastian: *flatly* I gave them to the young master. Sorry.
Lau: Only eleven?
Will: We’d be here all day if we were to count every awkward touch in this series… especially since we have a character like Grell Sutcliffe. And we can’t afford to waste that much time.
Grell: My touches aren’t awkward! They’re full of loooooove and heart and—
Will: —material for sexual harassment lawsuits.
Undertaker: Hahahaha~ You should be a comedian, William… you’ve got great timing. X3
Grell: So do I! 😀
Undertaker: Yes. But that’s a different kind of timing. <3)

Ten ticking seconds—

(Sebastian: The young master has to learn his numbers from someone.
Ciel: Your timing could have been better on that lesson, though.
Grell: Are we talking about timing again? Because I bet Sebas-chan has great timing…
Sebastian: The young master doesn’t seem to think so, in this particular instance.
Grell: Would you like to prove him wrong with me? 😀
Sebastian: …no. And we’ve already passed the ‘awkward touches’ portion of the song, Grell, so you can stop molesting the front of my pants.)

Nine successful rescues—

(Ciel: And by the way, that was way more than ten seconds! I clung to that stupid I-beam for at least a good twenty—
Sebastian: Pardon me, young master, but we are now done with that section, as well.
Ciel: …oh. What are we on, then?
Sebastian: Something relating to your tendency to attract pedophiles with chloroform.
Ciel: But we already did ‘awkward touches.’
Sebastian: So we did. However, if you’d recall— this song is about me giving things to you. I never use chloroform.
Ciel: No, you just spike my tea.
Sebastian: But not with chloroform. In any case, what do I do when you chance to be kidnapped by other men?
Ciel: Well, you bitch a lot about the rest of the day’s schedule being off.
Sebastian: And?
Ciel: And you ruin all of my good silverware by slamming it through peoples’ heads.
Sebastian: And?
Ciel: And then you have your way with me before releasing me from whatever bonds the creeps have put me in.
Sebastian: …okay, fair. But before that last bit, what do I do?
Ciel: If I’m lucky, you get out the lube.
Sebastian: …………..let’s just go on to the next verse.)

Eight chess allusions—

(Undertaker: Heehee~ I’m a pawn.
Aberline: Was a pawn. :3
Madam Red: Dead pawn.
Lau: Also a pawn! And also dead. 😀 And so is Ranmao. Isn’t that right, Ranmao?
Ranmao: …seaweed.
Lizzie: I think I’m a pawn…? (Which piece is the pawn again? Is it cute?)
Maylene: A… a… pawn…?
Finny: What’s chess? 😀
Bard: Do pawns get to use dynamite?
Sebastian: No.
Bard: *grumbles* I bet knights, do, though…
Soma: Can I be a curry-eating pawn? :3
Agni: Of course you can, Lord Soma! *makes curry*
Sebastian: …my lord, I think we’ve figured out why you have such trouble winning this game: you’re playing with one king, one knight, and far-too-many pawns.
Ciel: ……*sigh*)

Seven bad disguises—

(Sebastian: What do you mean, bad? A mask is a perfectly reasonable disguise.
Ciel: We could still clearly tell who you were, though. That’s a bad disguise.
Sebastian: Lady Elizabeth didn’t recognize me, did she?
Ciel: Yes, well… it was Lizzie. That hardly counts.
Sebastian: ……………….at least I wasn’t in a dress.
Ciel: *grits teeth* A simple order could change that. >.<
Sebastian: My lord enjoys seeing men in women’s clothing?
Ciel: No, what I’d enjoy would be seeing you look a fool, for a change.
Sebastian: I’m afraid you would be disappointed, then. I look quite good in a dress.
Ciel: …you’ve worn one before?
Sebastian: Do you remember how I asked you not to look at my true-demon-form…?
Ciel: ……………………………..)

Six tea-time sweeties—

(Lizzie: Sweets! They’re so cute! ❤
Sebastian: Don’t eat too many, Lady Elizabeth.
Lizzie: Don’t worry, I won’t get a stomachache.
Sebastian: I worry more about you getting fat.
Lizzie: …………you’re kind of mean, Mr. Sebastian.
Sebastian: And you’re kind of annoying. We all have our crosses to bear, don’t we? *pours the tea*)


(Sebastian: I believe the original lyrics were “engagement rings”…
Ciel: Haha, no. -_- That’s not what happened.
Sebastian: Isn’t it? I’m fairly certain I was down on my knees at the time… right before you…
Ciel: That happens a lot, though.
Sebastian: *smirks* Indeed.
Ciel: …get that grin off of your face, you perverted demon. That’s not what I meant.
Sebastian: I’m not perverted. After all, we’re engaged now, aren’t we? That makes this—*grabby hands*—fair game.
Ciel: I’m telling you, that wasn’t a propos— ah…!
Sebastian: How convenient that we’re not part of the next few verses… X3)

Four useless servants—

(Bard: People often forget about Tanaka. Which, really, makes him the most useless of all.
Tanaka: Ho ho ho!
Finny: Awww, are you doing your Santa impression, Mr. Tanaka? 😀
Bard: …that’s what he always says, Finny.
Tanaka: Ho ho ho!
Maylene: It really is an oddly-appropriate response, though… given the time of year, and all…)

(A) Three-person army—

(Maylene: I’m the assassin.
Bard: I’m the soldier.
Finny: I’m the gardener! 😀
Maylene and Bard: …
Finny: …what?
Maylene and Bard: And?
Finny: …
Maylene and Bard: *stare*
Finny: …and a seventh grader’s science fair experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. -_-
Bard: That’s better.
Finny: You know, being constantly reminded of that doesn’t do much for my self-esteem…
Maylene: But the truth shall set you free!
Finny: You know what else set me free? The young master. When he let me be the gardener.
Maylene: And when he gave me my glasses…
Bard: And when he saved me from the battlefield…
Maylene, Finny, and Bard: …young master. <3)

Two destructive fires—

(Ciel: Wait, wha… what is this about two fi— ah!
Sebastian: Never you mind, young master. *molests*
Grell: Hey! You said no more ‘awkward touches’ because that verse was over! So how come he gets some?!
Sebastian: I assure you, these aren’t ‘awkward.’
(Ciel: Oh~! Nnn, Sebastian… don’t you dare stop—!)
Lau: Perhaps, but what does this have to do with fires and destruction?
Sebastian: Well, fires are caused by heat and friction, correct? And there is a great deal of that going on right now… isn’t that right, young master?
Ciel: ~~~! Ah…
Sebastian: And as for destruction—
Grell: —I will destroy something if I don’t get my turn. >.<
Sebastian: *still badtouching Ciel; sigh* Grell, if you continue to act like a petulant child, I will be forced to treat you as such.
Lau: By forming a contract with him in order to avenge the wrongs that have happened in his life?
Ciel: *dryly* Hah—aaaaaaaah~
Sebastian: Very funny. No.
Grell: Then what do you mean by that?
Sebastian: I will have to give you a spanking.
Grell: …really? ❤
Ciel: Way to—ohdiscourage him, moron~! >.<
Sebastian: Hm. I suppose I should have thought that threat through a little more… mmm… yes, do that again, young master… Good boy. ❤
Grell: *throwing a tantrum* I want a spanking! I want a spanking! I want a spanking!
Will: Perhaps that’s what you want, but what you’re going to get is a large rod over-the-head if you don’t shut up, Grell Sutcliffe.
Grell: …I could work with that, too. ❤
Will: …
Undertaker: If you wish, I could give you an autopsy while you wait for Mr. Butler to finish. I promise it will be most enjoyable… heehee.
Grell: …will I be naked?
Undertaker: Yes.
Grell: Will you be naked?
Undertaker: Probably.
Grell: Will I be poked and prodded by lots of long instruments?
Undertaker: If William decides to join us, I’m sure.
Grell: Will he be there? *points to Lau*
Lau: If I can sneak in. (Take that as you will.)
Grell: …alright then. 😀
*They link arms and skip into the sunset off to the Undertaker’s shop.*
Ciel: About… ah… time they left…!
Sebastian: Time, my lord? Are we talking about timing, again? Because if we are, I think this would be a excellent opportunity to ask you to reassess your previous declarati—
Ciel: Sebastian. I am ten seconds away from ordering you to shut the hell up and just fuck me.
Sebastian: Oh? Shall I count down for you? For old time’s sake. X3
Ciel: That would be more than ten seconds, then, wouldn’t it? Can’t wait that long. Fuck me now.
Sebastian: Yes, my lord. <3)

And a contract to destroy my enemies!

My new favorite Christmas song? Maybe x3
Btw, the last verse was my favorite >w>
I have no idea why the text suddenly got bigger at the end ._.

All credits to moon-maiden36 for this awesome fandom!
You’re free to share this, but give credits to the one who made it!

So happy belated christmas(again) and happy new year! ^_^