Let’s start the new year with A-B-C!

A Belated Christmas post 😀

Some days ago, I found a christmas post at livejournal.com about Kuroshitsuji. It was quite interesting and funny, it was a christmas song with text about the series xD
Note: If you don’t watch Kuroshitsuji, I doubt you’ll have any fun with this…

I found this wonderful parody at this blog:

Title: “12 Eps of Kuro”
To the Tune: “12 Days of Christmas”
Requested By: No one. I just had to do it. XD;
Characters: Sebastian, Ciel, Grell, Undertaker, Will, Lau, Lizzie, Tanaka, the servantrio…
Rating: Hard PG-13
Notes: Full of gay. All kinds of gay. SO MUCH GAY~ (Also, follows the anime, with spoilers until the end of season one.)
Lame MP3: N/A. (C’mon. You don’t really need one for this song, do you? ^_^;)
Summary: Honestly, this is really just insanity. So enjoy it. X3
Disclaimer: I own neither “Kuro” nor the monstrosity known as “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

Author’s Note: C’mon. You guys knew I’d have to tackle this song. It’s a quintessential spoof! But because everyone knows the tune—as well as how the song works—I’ll spare you (and myself) the agony of typing out the whole thing. (Or providing a tutorial MP3. Unless someone really wants one, which I doubt.) Instead, this will just be the “last verse,” where all twelve days are listed. Have fun singing the full version, though, those of you who choose to attempt such a feat… ^_~

Warnings: For fun—and because this is the last KuroXmas song of the season— I added a scripted parody between the lines. This parody is full of gay. Just so you know. And in the spirit of the season, I tried to make it enjoyable for as many fans as possible: it contains (in order of content) SebaxCiel, SebaxGrell, GrellxUndertaker, GrellxWill (sorta), and orgy-implications. XD

-moon-maiden36

Here’s the song, in case you wanted to sing this with background music:

And here’s the “lyrics”

In the twelfth ep of “Kuro” Sebastian gave to me…

Twelve lame catch-phrases—

(Sebastian: …
Ciel: They are kinda lame.
Sebastian: Over used, perhaps. Not lame. And I don’t have twelve of them.
Ciel: Well, let’s see. There’s “yes, my lord…”
Sebastian: There is.
Ciel: …there’s “one hell of a butler” and “demon and a butler…”
Sebastian: That makes three.
Ciel: …and there’s about a billion renditions of “as a servant of Phantomhive, it’s only natural that I should be able to” blahblahblah.
Sebastian: Correct.
Ciel: So you’re right. You don’t have twelve catch-phrases. You have way more than that.
Sebastian: Exactly! Because, as a servant of Phantomhive, it’s only natural that I should have a phrase prepared for every occasion.
Ciel: … *facepalm*)

Eleven awkward touches—

(Grell: If Sebastian is giving out awkward touches, where are mine? *flutters eyelashes*
Sebastian: *flatly* I gave them to the young master. Sorry.
Lau: Only eleven?
Will: We’d be here all day if we were to count every awkward touch in this series… especially since we have a character like Grell Sutcliffe. And we can’t afford to waste that much time.
Grell: My touches aren’t awkward! They’re full of loooooove and heart and—
Will: —material for sexual harassment lawsuits.
Undertaker: Hahahaha~ You should be a comedian, William… you’ve got great timing. X3
Grell: So do I! 😀
Undertaker: Yes. But that’s a different kind of timing. <3)

Ten ticking seconds—

(Sebastian: The young master has to learn his numbers from someone.
Ciel: Your timing could have been better on that lesson, though.
Grell: Are we talking about timing again? Because I bet Sebas-chan has great timing…
Sebastian: The young master doesn’t seem to think so, in this particular instance.
Grell: Would you like to prove him wrong with me? 😀
Sebastian: …no. And we’ve already passed the ‘awkward touches’ portion of the song, Grell, so you can stop molesting the front of my pants.)

Nine successful rescues—

(Ciel: And by the way, that was way more than ten seconds! I clung to that stupid I-beam for at least a good twenty—
Sebastian: Pardon me, young master, but we are now done with that section, as well.
Ciel: …oh. What are we on, then?
Sebastian: Something relating to your tendency to attract pedophiles with chloroform.
Ciel: But we already did ‘awkward touches.’
Sebastian: So we did. However, if you’d recall— this song is about me giving things to you. I never use chloroform.
Ciel: No, you just spike my tea.
Sebastian: But not with chloroform. In any case, what do I do when you chance to be kidnapped by other men?
Ciel: Well, you bitch a lot about the rest of the day’s schedule being off.
Sebastian: And?
Ciel: And you ruin all of my good silverware by slamming it through peoples’ heads.
Sebastian: And?
Ciel: And then you have your way with me before releasing me from whatever bonds the creeps have put me in.
Sebastian: …okay, fair. But before that last bit, what do I do?
Ciel: If I’m lucky, you get out the lube.
Sebastian: …………..let’s just go on to the next verse.)

Eight chess allusions—

(Undertaker: Heehee~ I’m a pawn.
Aberline: Was a pawn. :3
Madam Red: Dead pawn.
Lau: Also a pawn! And also dead. 😀 And so is Ranmao. Isn’t that right, Ranmao?
Ranmao: …seaweed.
Lizzie: I think I’m a pawn…? (Which piece is the pawn again? Is it cute?)
Maylene: A… a… pawn…?
Finny: What’s chess? 😀
Bard: Do pawns get to use dynamite?
Sebastian: No.
Bard: *grumbles* I bet knights, do, though…
Soma: Can I be a curry-eating pawn? :3
Agni: Of course you can, Lord Soma! *makes curry*
Sebastian: …my lord, I think we’ve figured out why you have such trouble winning this game: you’re playing with one king, one knight, and far-too-many pawns.
Ciel: ……*sigh*)

Seven bad disguises—

(Sebastian: What do you mean, bad? A mask is a perfectly reasonable disguise.
Ciel: We could still clearly tell who you were, though. That’s a bad disguise.
Sebastian: Lady Elizabeth didn’t recognize me, did she?
Ciel: Yes, well… it was Lizzie. That hardly counts.
Sebastian: ……………….at least I wasn’t in a dress.
Ciel: *grits teeth* A simple order could change that. >.<
Sebastian: My lord enjoys seeing men in women’s clothing?
Ciel: No, what I’d enjoy would be seeing you look a fool, for a change.
Sebastian: I’m afraid you would be disappointed, then. I look quite good in a dress.
Ciel: …you’ve worn one before?
Sebastian: Do you remember how I asked you not to look at my true-demon-form…?
Ciel: ……………………………..)

Six tea-time sweeties—

(Lizzie: Sweets! They’re so cute! ❤
Sebastian: Don’t eat too many, Lady Elizabeth.
Lizzie: Don’t worry, I won’t get a stomachache.
Sebastian: I worry more about you getting fat.
Lizzie: …………you’re kind of mean, Mr. Sebastian.
Sebastian: And you’re kind of annoying. We all have our crosses to bear, don’t we? *pours the tea*)

FIVE SAPPHIRE RINGS~

(Sebastian: I believe the original lyrics were “engagement rings”…
Ciel: Haha, no. -_- That’s not what happened.
Sebastian: Isn’t it? I’m fairly certain I was down on my knees at the time… right before you…
Ciel: That happens a lot, though.
Sebastian: *smirks* Indeed.
Ciel: …get that grin off of your face, you perverted demon. That’s not what I meant.
Sebastian: I’m not perverted. After all, we’re engaged now, aren’t we? That makes this—*grabby hands*—fair game.
Ciel: I’m telling you, that wasn’t a propos— ah…!
Sebastian: How convenient that we’re not part of the next few verses… X3)

Four useless servants—

(Bard: People often forget about Tanaka. Which, really, makes him the most useless of all.
Tanaka: Ho ho ho!
Finny: Awww, are you doing your Santa impression, Mr. Tanaka? 😀
Bard: …that’s what he always says, Finny.
Tanaka: Ho ho ho!
Maylene: It really is an oddly-appropriate response, though… given the time of year, and all…)

(A) Three-person army—

(Maylene: I’m the assassin.
Bard: I’m the soldier.
Finny: I’m the gardener! 😀
Maylene and Bard: …
Finny: …what?
Maylene and Bard: And?
Finny: …
Maylene and Bard: *stare*
Finny: …and a seventh grader’s science fair experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. -_-
Bard: That’s better.
Finny: You know, being constantly reminded of that doesn’t do much for my self-esteem…
Maylene: But the truth shall set you free!
Finny: You know what else set me free? The young master. When he let me be the gardener.
Maylene: And when he gave me my glasses…
Bard: And when he saved me from the battlefield…
Maylene, Finny, and Bard: …young master. <3)

Two destructive fires—

(Ciel: Wait, wha… what is this about two fi— ah!
Sebastian: Never you mind, young master. *molests*
Grell: Hey! You said no more ‘awkward touches’ because that verse was over! So how come he gets some?!
Sebastian: I assure you, these aren’t ‘awkward.’
(Ciel: Oh~! Nnn, Sebastian… don’t you dare stop—!)
Lau: Perhaps, but what does this have to do with fires and destruction?
Sebastian: Well, fires are caused by heat and friction, correct? And there is a great deal of that going on right now… isn’t that right, young master?
Ciel: ~~~! Ah…
Sebastian: And as for destruction—
Grell: —I will destroy something if I don’t get my turn. >.<
Sebastian: *still badtouching Ciel; sigh* Grell, if you continue to act like a petulant child, I will be forced to treat you as such.
Lau: By forming a contract with him in order to avenge the wrongs that have happened in his life?
Ciel: *dryly* Hah—aaaaaaaah~
Sebastian: Very funny. No.
Grell: Then what do you mean by that?
Sebastian: I will have to give you a spanking.
Grell: …really? ❤
Ciel: Way to—ohdiscourage him, moron~! >.<
Sebastian: Hm. I suppose I should have thought that threat through a little more… mmm… yes, do that again, young master… Good boy. ❤
Grell: *throwing a tantrum* I want a spanking! I want a spanking! I want a spanking!
Will: Perhaps that’s what you want, but what you’re going to get is a large rod over-the-head if you don’t shut up, Grell Sutcliffe.
Grell: …I could work with that, too. ❤
Will: …
Undertaker: If you wish, I could give you an autopsy while you wait for Mr. Butler to finish. I promise it will be most enjoyable… heehee.
Grell: …will I be naked?
Undertaker: Yes.
Grell: Will you be naked?
Undertaker: Probably.
Grell: Will I be poked and prodded by lots of long instruments?
Undertaker: If William decides to join us, I’m sure.
Grell: Will he be there? *points to Lau*
Lau: If I can sneak in. (Take that as you will.)
Grell: …alright then. 😀
*They link arms and skip into the sunset off to the Undertaker’s shop.*
Ciel: About… ah… time they left…!
Sebastian: Time, my lord? Are we talking about timing, again? Because if we are, I think this would be a excellent opportunity to ask you to reassess your previous declarati—
Ciel: Sebastian. I am ten seconds away from ordering you to shut the hell up and just fuck me.
Sebastian: Oh? Shall I count down for you? For old time’s sake. X3
Ciel: That would be more than ten seconds, then, wouldn’t it? Can’t wait that long. Fuck me now.
Sebastian: Yes, my lord. <3)

And a contract to destroy my enemies!

My new favorite Christmas song? Maybe x3
Btw, the last verse was my favorite >w>
I have no idea why the text suddenly got bigger at the end ._.

All credits to moon-maiden36 for this awesome fandom!
You’re free to share this, but give credits to the one who made it!

So happy belated christmas(again) and happy new year! ^_^


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2 thoughts on “Let’s start the new year with A-B-C!

  1. Magdalena Worzalla (Motaku1235) says:

    XD your blog is so funny! I know Im reading past posts, but they’re really amusing!

    • Wow, thank you! 😀
      It pleases me that my blog amuses people, too bad I’m quitting for the time being, then…but if you read my latest post, you’ll find another way to stalk me, and hopefully still be amused 🙂

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